A641.3.3.RB - Working with EI: Getting Results!

In his video, Goleman (2012) introduced his four parts of Emotional Intelligence (EI) self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skills or relationship building.  Goleman also brought up a fact, that in general women have shown more empathy than men and that men are better at managing distressing emotions.  This statement does really not surprise me, as I have been witness to both aspects in action during any of the fights with my husband.  What I did find interesting is that when it comes to leaders there was little to no different in these fields between men and women.  In other words, somewhere along the line leaders have learned how to control the aspects of EI at least in the workplace. 

It seems that the world today lacks compassion; people are less likely to help others than in the past.  According to Goleman (2007), people are “wired” to help others in need, so why are they not helping?  Goleman states it is because we are all too busy in our own lives.   We are also too focused on us and not others, at least not those outside our immediate family.  In order for empathy to take place, one must first be aware of the world around them, which is proving to be a difficult task for many. 

In order to address my own status within the world of EI, I used Boyatzis and McKee (2005) Table 2-1 (p. 29).  Under self-awareness, they described three attributes, emotional self-awareness, accurate self-awareness, and self-confidence.  Of these three I fell I perform well in the accurate self-awareness, and self-confidence.  My self-confidence most likely comes from age and experience with a little bit of not really caring what others think.  After years of counseling to overcome a difficult childhood, I have learned to be in touch with where I am emotionally, however, I tend to struggle with how to overcome it.  I tend to become overly emotionally involved and that has gotten in my way in the past.   I am aware that I need to work on it but it is sometimes too late before I catch myself.

Under self-management my strengthens are transparency, adaptability, achievement, and initiative, my weaknesses are emotional self-control and optimism.  I believe in being honest and having integrity at all times.  I want people to know where they stand with me at all times and I request the same in return.  I have always been ambitious and I thrive on achievement, sometimes this Type A personality can get the best of me and I make things nearly impossible for myself.  As for adaptability, I do well with it in high-stress situations where decisions need to be made quickly.  I am less open to change when it is slow or I have longer periods of time to think it over.  Optimism has always been difficult for me, I believe it stems from my childhood, I learned early on that if I expected the worse then I was prepared for it and if anything better came about it was a nice relief.  I have tried to change my outlook and in some ways I have, when I married an even bigger pessimist than myself I realized one of us needed to have a hopeful outlook or things would go down hill fast.

I thrive in social situations; I am very outgoing and like to meet new people.  As far as social awareness goes I am extremely empathetic and often cater to the needs of the client, guest, customer.  While I try to represent the brand of the company I often question why and how decisions were made.  I have had empathy for as long as I can remember, I like to make people feel better by understanding how they feel.  I also believe that service is extremely important in life, and I have been in the customer service industry for many years.  I always make sure I offer the best level of service possible. 

Building relationship is an integral part of not only business but also life, which ties very closely with the social aspect of EI, one person cannot do it all alone.  While I feel strong in the areas of influence, developing others, change catalyst, conflict management, building bonds, and teamwork I feel I need to work on my inspirational leadership.  I am a very linear person and I tend to lead in the same way, which means I often lay out the steps to the goal I want.  While this process works well for me it may not work well for others, I need to find ways to reach others and meet them where they are and use a motivation strategy that works for them.  

  

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

                Press.

Goleman, D., (2012). Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved

January 25, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU

Goleman, D. (2007). Why aren't we more compassionate? Retrieved January 25,

2017, from http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_goleman_on_compassion

A641.2.3.RB - Am I a Resonant Leader

According to McKee, Boyatzis, and Johnston (2008) resonant leadership requires a person to be “highly self-aware, manage himself or herself in stressful and complex environments, read other people, empathize with their needs, and lead others to get the job done” (p. 43).  Given this description I feel I meet four out of the five criteria and after completing the exercise “Am I a resonant leader?” my assumptions were correct.

I tend to perform well under pressure, I make better decisions when pressured that when I have time to think about it.  I have always procrastinated, not to the point of a stress induced meltdown, but enough to put enough pressure on myself to work hard and stay focused.  The same is true when I have decisions to make at work.  When I worked at the airline I was very skilled at making decisions during irregular operations (IROP) when planes are delayed.  There was just enough pressure to increase my focus but not enough to be extremely stressful.        

Where I struggle is with my self-awareness.  I tend to put all my energy into reading and responding to others that I often forget where I am internally.  This is a problem not only in my professional life but also my personal.  Even before I became a mother I would focus more on the people in my life than myself and when I became a mother, especially to multiple children, I found myself constantly meeting their needs but not my own.  This is a common problem amongst moms.  The trick for me is to recognize when it is happening and make changes accordingly.  If I do not do this I tend to fall into a not so positive emotional tone that ends up affecting everyone around me. 

As McKee, Boyatzis, and Johnston (2008) pointed out being smart will only get you through the door, it wont get you up the ladder.  Being book smart is important in some aspects but it is usually social intelligence that helps leaders achieve.   This means paying attention to not only others needs but also your own needs.  Boyatzis and McKee (2005) offered three key components to renewing resonance in leaders: mindfulness, compassion, and hope.  I feel if I can acquire the skills needed to fully understand when I am at any point in time then the rest will follow.           

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

                Press.

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader:

develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.

A641.1.3.RB - What is Great Leadership?

In his film, Boyatzis (n.d.) stated that leadership is a relationship, to which I would add is made through connections.  When a leader has a good grasp on what their followers are thinking and feeling the entire company performs better.  Then why is it that the majority of leaders (according to Boyatzis (n.d.) the number is around 70-80%) are not adding value to their follower’s life?  After completely his exercise I believe the answer is because they are more concerned about the job itself and the tasks that are involved than the people around them.

Let me start by describing the leader that did not bring the best out of me, Jodi.  Jodi was the manager of my department, guest services, at the ski resort I worked at.  At first, I thought she was a decent leader, mostly because I had very little interaction with her as we worked opposite shifts.  As time went on I began to realize that she did not really care about any of the employees, in fact, she felt they were replaceable.  This became very evident to me when I was promoted to supervisor and was required to attend management meetings regularly.  Jodi was very condescending and demeaning to the staff and offered very little praise for any achievement.  She was also extremely out of touch with the staff on the shift opposite hers.  She made connections with very few staff members mostly out of her lack of trying.  Jodi was what Boyatzis (n.d.) described as self-centered; she only worked to serve her own needs and purpose.

 On the other side of the scale I had Jeff, he was by far my most treasured leader in my professional career.  Jeff was understanding, compassionate, and reasonable.  He was also extremely competent and knowledgeable in his position, but not to the point of arrogance.  He loved his job and wanted you to love yours too, he made work fun and exciting.  Above all that, Jeff would challenge you to be the best you could be.  He would empower you as an employee by offering you tasks he know you could handle and by asking for your opinion or view on an issue.  In a way, he was teaching you to not only excel at your job but also to train you for the next step.  He did all of this while maintaining the integrity of the company. 

What is it about these two leaders that make them so different; it’s all about the relationship and the connections.  Boyatzis and McKee (2005) stated, “emotionally intelligent leaders manage others’ emotions and build strong, trusting relationships” (p. 4).  This is precisely what Jeff did, he attempted to make a connection and relationship with every employee and he succeeded with most.  Jodi, on the other hand, felt her employees were expendable so it wasn’t worth her time to make relationships.  When a leader doesn’t take the time to make these relationships their followers will not respond to tasks with their best foot forward, mostly because they feel there is no point. 

Most people would say they prefer positive interacts to negative ones, it is human nature, but how dot hey affect the leader/follower relationship?  According to Whetten and Cameron (2011), positive relationships help people perform better at work and also learn more effectively, due to the energy created from the relationship.  A negative person can bring an entire group down; it is emotionally and mentally draining to deal with a negative person.  All the energy that is wasted on that negative person could be used to focus on tasks instead. 

In the end, the leader must put forth the energy needed to make connections in order to receive the benefit of a hard working and dedicated employee.  As Boyatzis and McKee (2005) indicated, “resonant leaders manage their emotions well and read individuals and groups accurately” (p. 22).  Fortunately for me, Jeff did just this; he brought all his followers up to a new level and continued to make strong connections from there.  Jodi, I’m assuming, is still in her office not speaking to anyone other than her favorites and not really caring which employees come or go.  That job is the only one I have ever quit without two weeks notice and it was for a cause I still stand for today, Jodi made a poor judgment decision that made an employee I highly valued upset enough to quit.  That was the last straw for me and I left, but not without learning a lesson on how not to be a leader.

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

                Press.

Boyatzis, R. (n.d.). What is great Leadership? [Video file]. Retrieved January 11,

2017.

Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S. (2011). Developing Management Skills (E. Svendsen

Ed. 8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.