When a leader is ready to initiate intentional change they may
need to look beyond just changing their career skills, they may need to look
deeper than that. While a leader can
certainly strengthen the skills that got them to where they are in their
professional life or focus on improving their weaknesses, however, by limiting
their view to only professional skills they may be missing the whole
picture. McKee, Boyatzis, and
Johnston (2008) stated people who want real change will need to look at all
aspects of their lives, not just leadership skills.
After completely the exercises, I came to the realization that
when my parenting or professional skills are struggling it is often a result of
something bigger in my life. One of the
major factors in my ability to function as a leader, mom, or wife is the amount
of running I do in any given week. The
more I run the better I perform in other aspects of my life. I believe it goes beyond just the
physiological factors of running. I
believe my ability to handle the other parts of my life after running is due to
the meditative state I am able to achieve while on a run. While this state doesn’t happen on every run,
some runs are specifically meant to train for an upcoming race, but others are
all about just getting our the door and listening to my body and clearing my
mind. By taking this time to “check-out”
I am more able to be present with others.
Clayton (2015) found that exercise helping work-home integration via increased self-efficacy, which he found made people less
likely to avoid difficult tasks or situations, and more likely to see them as
challenges to be mastered. This is
exactly the feeling I have after a run, I feel like I can take on just about
anything thrown at me.
After finishing the timeline of my life, I found that I am not
afraid to take on difficult tasks and opportunities. Throughout my life, I have made some
difficult decisions that have led to some personal challenges. I divorced my first husband in order to leave
a volatile situation, which left me as a single mother struggling to get by. The next change came after years of therapy
around my mother’s abusive behavior. I
finally realized that what was happening was not my fault and I needed to put
some space between us. This was one of
the best things I have ever done for myself.
My well-being has improved tremendously since breaking the ties. Another major change for me was my leaving my
job to care for our children. I have had
a job for as long as I can remember, so the idea of not bringing in money and
depending on another, my husband, was difficult for me. I have since come to realize that it was
necessary and thankfully my husband has never once made me feel that I do not
contribute to the family. In fact, he
often feels my job, as a stay at home mom, is more important than his, which
pays the bills. All of these choices
were risky, however, I made them based on a long thought-out plan devised from
many hours of calculating what-ifs.
While they all contained a certain amount of risk they were not
reckless. This type of calculated risk
taking will serve me in my leadership role as well. As Reardon (2014) pointed out People who
become good leaders have a greater than average willingness to make bold moves,
but they strengthen their chances of success, and avoid career suicide, through
careful deliberation and preparation.
There is a huge difference between calculated and reckless risk.
The last realization I made was around my social identity and
lifeline. I was enlightened to the fact
that I often place myself in the role of caretaker or “fixer”, it is a role I
have had since I was a child. It was
always my job to “fix” my mother when she would deteriorate mentally,
unfortunately, I learned early that I needed to be the “good child” on days she
was really bad off. I continue this
pattern today, I am always there to try and fix any problems others might have. Given this trait about myself, I have found
that a lot of my friends are people who are in almost constant need of
support. The other type of friend I have
are people who are just like me. My
husband often jokes that most of my close friends are just clones of
myself. What I have realized from that
statement is that they do have characteristics of me, but mostly the positive
ones. de Klepper, Sleebos, van de
Bunt, and Agneessens (2009) stated that it is a well-established finding in
social sciences is that people who are friends exhibit a great deal of similarity
in attitudes and behaviors. The question
becomes why does this hold true. It
would seem that we like to surround ourselves with people in whom we see
positive qualities that we either have ourselves or strive to. This certainly holds true for a large portion
of my friends. My other friends are
those whom I feel need my help.
After stepping back and reviewing the exercises, I have
realized I need to learn ways to help me become more mindful. I tend to take very little time for myself other
than running, making me often feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Boyatzis and McKee (2005) stated
reflection, contemplation, meditation, cognitive training are all ways to
explore your inner world and are all critical to developing mindfulness. My goal from here is to find more ways to
work these into my day. I need to start
by carving out a time to spend at least 10-15 alone with no distractions to
clear my head and try to live in the present.
Boyatzis, R. &
McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business
Press.
Clayton, R.
(2015). How Regular Exercise Helps You Balance Work and Family.
Retrieved February 26, 2017, from https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-regular- exercise-helps-you-balance-work-and-family
de
Klepper, M., Sleebos, E., van de Bunt, G., & Agneessens, F. (2009), Similarity
in
friendship networks: Selection or influence?
The effect of constraining contexts and non-visible individual attributes. Soc.
Netw. doi:10.1016/j.socnet.2009.06.003
McKee, A., Boyatzis,
R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader:
develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain
your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.
Reardon, K. K.
(2014). Courage as a Skill. Retrieved February 26, 2017, from
https://hbr.org/2007/01/courage-as-a-skill
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