I talk with my hands. I have always talked with my hands, and
probably always will. This is especially
true when I am giving directions. If you
are to turn left then I will point to the left, travel over a bridge and I will
make a motion with my hand and arm as if they are traveling over the
bridge. In school someone once asked me,
“If I tie your hands behind you back will you still be able to talk?” While this can be helpful at times, like when
explaining directions or details, at other times it could be seen as annoying. McKay, Davis and Fanning (2009) would define
my movements as gestures that are a part of my body language.
After reading about paralanguage,
which McKay, Davis and Fanning (2009) describe as: pitch, resonance,
articulation, tempo, volume and rhythm, I thought about how my husband would
love to use these examples against me. As
he lives in another state we often communicate via phone, he tells me in almost
every conversation that I do not articulate, my tempo is too fast and that my
volume is too low. I argue back that he
is the only one who seems to feel this way.
I was a teacher for many years and I do not recall ever being told I was
not loud enough, unable to be understood or that I talked to fast. So the issue becomes, is my husband’s view of
my speaking accurate or are my teaching reviews a better indication? I was
thinking the other day after hanging up with him about why my paralanguage
would be different in those two situations, and it came to me that the way I
talked to him was a different type of communication than the way I was
addressing a classroom. When I was
teaching I was the main focus in the room.
It was my lesson, my students and my classroom; I had just the right
amount of time I needed to present the material I had prepared. When I speak to my husband I often feel
rushed, either by the needs of our children in my house or by the agencies and
patients in his world. When I feel
rushed and I have something I really need or want to say then I try to do it as
quickly as possible before I am interrupted.
This means my tempo speeds up, my articulation becomes sloppy and
generally my volume goes down so little ears don’t hear what I am saying. It took years of frustration from my husband
and my readings from class to make me realize that I do communicate differently
with him than with others, and not for the better.
My insight with my husband, my epiphany
if you will, reminded me of something I learned in a pervious class, supportive
communication. Whetten and Cameron
(2011) define supportive communication as communication that seeks to preserve
or enhance a positive relationship while addressing a difficulty or problem. Some people might believe that the keys to
supportive communication are the words being spoken, but I believe the focus is
on the body language. Facial
expressions, gestures and posture can set the tone for a conversation even
before words are spoken. I know I have
entered a room and immediately felt the vibe, positive or negative, without
ever hearing a word. This is an
important lesson in business; it goes along with the theory of first
impressions. If you only have one chance
to make a first impression then you also only have one chance to set the tone
of an encounter.
McKay,
M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages the communication skills
book
(3rd ed.). Oakland, Calif.: New Harbinger Publications.
Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S.
(2011). Developing Management Skills (E. Svendsen
Ed. 8th ed.). Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
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