A641.9.3.RB - Becoming A Resonant Leader

Dear Sarah,

            According to Boyatzis and Akrivou (2006) the ideal self (IS) is an evolving, motivational core within the self, focusing a person’s desires and hope, aspirations and dreams, purpose and calling.  Now that you have finished your vision statement, you may need a few reminders on how to achieve your goals so I am writing a letter to help lay out the necessary steps.  Your vision of your ideal self is someone who is caring, happy, and dependable.  The way you will demonstrate this is by teaching others, growing adults, and giving back. 

            Teaching others has always been important to you, whether it be the students you taught or your own children.  The three milestones you will use to meet this goal are completing your MSLD, starting and completing your Ph.D., and conducting research.  Your MSLD is almost complete; the only class left is your capstone, after which you can begin to look for adjunct positions to help prepare you for full-time teaching.  You are set to begin your Ph.D. in late June; you will need to finish all the classwork required and then start the dissertation.  I know the dissertation scares you a bit but with the help of others you will do just fine, you always do.  Then upon graduation, you will be able to look for and apply to teaching positions, which is your ultimate career goal.  The final milestone is to conduct research in hopes to publish someday.  Once you have narrowed down all the topics floating around in your head, you will be able to focus on one and begin to become an expert on that topic.  From there you will spend hours researching and writing about it until your final paper is accepted and published, hopefully.  You will continue to teach others in many ways throughout your life.

            You are the mom of 5 wonderful kids and eventually, they will be adults whether you want them to grow up or not.  The three milestones that will get you through this are fostering independence, building confidence, and making connections.  In order to foster independence, you must let your children learn to do things on their own; this may mean that they will “fail” at some point at which you can teach them to pick themselves up, carry-on, and learn from their mistakes.  It is these mistakes and learning from them that will make them stronger.  Remember what Campbell (2016) stated it is our role to teach our children right from wrong, but it is not our right to decide who they are supposed to be.  These moments will also give your kids the confidence they need to take risks and succeed in life.  When children are given the opportunity to experiment safely they build the assurance that they can handle stress and overcome roadblocks.  Even if you think they are not going to be successful or you have a “better” way of doing things, please step back, watch, and be there to comfort them after.  Which leads me to another milestone, making connections.  Children look to their parents to support and love them but they also are a source of anger and frustration.  It is in these times that you, as the parent, need to put aside any of your own feelings and be there to make a connection with the child.  It can be difficult to do this when you have your own anger and frustration but it is necessary and the bond you will create is immense.

            Your final learning goal is to give back, which you can achieve by coaching others to run, being a part of Girls On The Run, and helping your friends when they need you.  To begin coaching you must complete the Level I certification course, pass the online exam, agree to the code of ethics, and prove CPR certification (RRCA.org, n.d.).  You are still in the process of finding a course that will fit your schedule and travel requirements but don’t give up, it will happen.  In the meantime, you have the GOTR program which you will be coaching this spring with your oldest daughter and will have two more daughters to help coach in the future.  This is an important role for both you and your daughters; you are not only giving back to others but also showing your daughters what you are capable of.  You have always been a supportive friend; you are the person most of your friends turn to when they need help sorting things out in their lives.  This is a place where you can continue to grow and improve for your friends and yourself.  Continue to work on addressing problems with an analytical mind first and personal mind second, this is what they have come to count on from you.  It gives them the ability to step back from problems they are emotional involved in and see them in a different light.

            Even when is seems you are alone in the world, you are not.  You may not have a supportive extended family, but you have a husband who is there whenever you need him, to support you and help you in times of crisis.  You also have a small group of good friends who are ready to drop everything at a moments notice to help you.  You also have a few people that you have met during your MSLD that are willing to guide you along in you educational and career quest.  Being a stay at home mom can seem like the loneliest job, and it probably is, top that off with a husband who travels Monday-Friday and things can look quite dark.  This is when you need to call on your friends for help, even though you do not like to ask for help.   

            You set forth a very specific vision statement; complete with steps to help you achieve your goals.  Whenever you are struggling with what to do in or with your life please refer back to this.  You have many great goals and dreams and you are capable of achieving them all if you put your mind to it.  Just remember, “You’ve got this”!  When you need extra help refer to your learning plan as McKee, Boyatzis, and Johnston (2008) pointed out it shows the relationship between your vision, learning goals, and actions, as well as the key relationships you will use for support.

Best wishes,

Sarah 

Boyatzis, R. E., & Akrivou, K. (2006). The ideal self as the driver of intentional

change. The Journal of Management Development, 25(7), 624-642. doi:http://dx.doi.org.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/10.1108/02621710610678454

Campbell, S. (2016). 10 Things Our Children Need From Us As Their Parents.

Retrieved February 18, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sherrie-campbell-phd/10-things-our-children-ne_b_10250988.html

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader:

develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.

Road Runners Club of America. (n.d.). Retrieved February 16, 2017, from

http://www.rrca.org/

A641.8.3.RB - Personal Balance Sheet

All leaders have strengths and weaknesses, they are human after all, the key to being a great leader is knowing how to accentuate your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses.  Richard Branson believes that "the art of delegation is one of the key skills any entrepreneur must master” (Fenoli, 2014), through this delegation he has stated that he doesn’t need to be and expert in every area of business he just needs to hire people who are.  This seems to be a smart way to conduct business and run a company, one person is not going to have all the answers, though many leaders try to achieve that, when a leader knows and understands their weaknesses they are able to rely on those around them to fill in the gaps.

My distinctive strength is that I tend to perform well under pressure; I make better decisions when pressured than when I have time to think about it.  I have quick reactions and am able to find solutions to time sensitive issues.  In the past, others have sought out my advice and help when faced with crisis knowing I will be able to find a solution.  I tend to put just enough pressure on myself to increase my focus but not enough to be extremely stressful.

My potential strength is empowering others.  Inspiring and empowering others has always been my passion, which is why I entered the teaching profession.  Watching employees learn and grow is one of the most rewarding parts of being a leader.  Northouse (2016) defined empowering as allowing followers the freedom to be independent, make decisions on their own, and be self-sufficient.  As a leader, taking the opportunity to mold your employees into successful individuals is extremely satisfying.

My Enduring Dispositions that support me are determination and caring.  I have always been a determined person; once I start something I will always see it through to the end no matter the outcome.  This has helped pull me through many difficult tasks at work; I have a hard time giving up on things so I tend to find a way to drive myself to the end.  I am a caring person by nature, which can be an asset as a leader as long as it doesn’t cloud one’s judgment.  So far for me, it has helped more than it has hindered my leadership skills.        

As for my weaknesses, I have a few I know I need to work on such as being and staying positive, the way I handle stress, and not being overly emotional.  My weakness, the thing I know I don’t do well and I want to do better, is my tendency to have a pessimistic outlook.   I have always looked at the negative side of situations.  This served me well in the past as I was prepared for the worst that helped me cope when it did occur and when anything positive happened it was a huge relief, however, I understand that it is not a healthy way to live.  I am working on finding the positive side of situations.  Fredrickson (2013) pointed out a single day in which negative emotion prevails has the countervailing force of three good days” (p. 6).  Positivity is something I need to work on. 

The weakness I want to change is the way I handle stress.  On the outside, I am controlled and put together, but on the inside, I am second guessing myself and holding on to certain levels of guilt.  When I am extremely stressed and do not have the opportunity to walk away and calm down, I tend to become overly focused on the issue at hand, which results in tunnel vision.  This causes me to dwell on every little decision I make which usually results in my overthinking a situation and not making the best decision possible.  When I have a complex problem that I need to think about I should use what Whetten and Cameron (2011) would describe as a reactive strategy, which are applied on-the-spot remedies to temporarily relieve the effects of stress, and take some time alone to process the information before either presenting it to others or asking for help.  This would help me to handle situations better. 

My enduring disposition that sometimes gets in my way is my tendency to be overly emotional in certain situations.  I tend to become overly emotionally involved and that has gotten in my way in the past.   I am aware that I need to work on it but it is sometimes too late before I catch myself.  As Boyatzis and McKee (2005) indicated, “resonant leaders manage their emotions well and read individuals and groups accurately” (p. 22). 

Most people are aware of the things they do well, some are even aware of the things they don’t do well, it is taking the time to improve these things that can be difficult.   People often have a difficult time admitting they need to work on certain skills; to some, it is a form of weakness.  I see it as an opportunity to find new ways to become a better person, which will lead to becoming a better leader.  A great leader is always improving on their strengths and finding ways to compensate or counteract their weaknesses. 

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

                Press.

Feloni, R. (2014). Richard Branson's 10 rules for being a great leader. Retrieved July

03, 2016, from http://www.businessinsider.com/richard-bransons-   leadership-rules-2014-10

Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Updated Thinking on Positivity Ratios. American

Psychologist. Advance online publication. doi: 10.1037/a0033584

Northouse, P. G. (2016). Leadership: Theory and practice. Los Angeles: SAGE

Publications.

Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S. (2011). Developing Management Skills (E. Svendsen

Ed. 8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your “Real Self”

When a leader is ready to initiate intentional change they may need to look beyond just changing their career skills, they may need to look deeper than that.  While a leader can certainly strengthen the skills that got them to where they are in their professional life or focus on improving their weaknesses, however, by limiting their view to only professional skills they may be missing the whole picture.  McKee, Boyatzis, and Johnston (2008) stated people who want real change will need to look at all aspects of their lives, not just leadership skills. 

After completely the exercises, I came to the realization that when my parenting or professional skills are struggling it is often a result of something bigger in my life.  One of the major factors in my ability to function as a leader, mom, or wife is the amount of running I do in any given week.   The more I run the better I perform in other aspects of my life.  I believe it goes beyond just the physiological factors of running.  I believe my ability to handle the other parts of my life after running is due to the meditative state I am able to achieve while on a run.  While this state doesn’t happen on every run, some runs are specifically meant to train for an upcoming race, but others are all about just getting our the door and listening to my body and clearing my mind.  By taking this time to “check-out” I am more able to be present with others.  Clayton (2015) found that exercise helping work-home integration via increased self-efficacy, which he found made people less likely to avoid difficult tasks or situations, and more likely to see them as challenges to be mastered.  This is exactly the feeling I have after a run, I feel like I can take on just about anything thrown at me.

After finishing the timeline of my life, I found that I am not afraid to take on difficult tasks and opportunities.  Throughout my life, I have made some difficult decisions that have led to some personal challenges.  I divorced my first husband in order to leave a volatile situation, which left me as a single mother struggling to get by.  The next change came after years of therapy around my mother’s abusive behavior.  I finally realized that what was happening was not my fault and I needed to put some space between us.  This was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.  My well-being has improved tremendously since breaking the ties.  Another major change for me was my leaving my job to care for our children.  I have had a job for as long as I can remember, so the idea of not bringing in money and depending on another, my husband, was difficult for me.  I have since come to realize that it was necessary and thankfully my husband has never once made me feel that I do not contribute to the family.  In fact, he often feels my job, as a stay at home mom, is more important than his, which pays the bills.  All of these choices were risky, however, I made them based on a long thought-out plan devised from many hours of calculating what-ifs.  While they all contained a certain amount of risk they were not reckless.  This type of calculated risk taking will serve me in my leadership role as well.  As Reardon (2014) pointed out People who become good leaders have a greater than average willingness to make bold moves, but they strengthen their chances of success, and avoid career suicide, through careful deliberation and preparation.  There is a huge difference between calculated and reckless risk. 

The last realization I made was around my social identity and lifeline.  I was enlightened to the fact that I often place myself in the role of caretaker or “fixer”, it is a role I have had since I was a child.  It was always my job to “fix” my mother when she would deteriorate mentally, unfortunately, I learned early that I needed to be the “good child” on days she was really bad off.   I continue this pattern today, I am always there to try and fix any problems others might have.  Given this trait about myself, I have found that a lot of my friends are people who are in almost constant need of support.  The other type of friend I have are people who are just like me.  My husband often jokes that most of my close friends are just clones of myself.  What I have realized from that statement is that they do have characteristics of me, but mostly the positive ones.  de Klepper, Sleebos, van de Bunt, and Agneessens (2009) stated that it is a well-established finding in social sciences is that people who are friends exhibit a great deal of similarity in attitudes and behaviors.  The question becomes why does this hold true.  It would seem that we like to surround ourselves with people in whom we see positive qualities that we either have ourselves or strive to.  This certainly holds true for a large portion of my friends.  My other friends are those whom I feel need my help. 

After stepping back and reviewing the exercises, I have realized I need to learn ways to help me become more mindful.  I tend to take very little time for myself other than running, making me often feel frustrated and overwhelmed.  Boyatzis and McKee (2005) stated reflection, contemplation, meditation, cognitive training are all ways to explore your inner world and are all critical to developing mindfulness.  My goal from here is to find more ways to work these into my day.  I need to start by carving out a time to spend at least 10-15 alone with no distractions to clear my head and try to live in the present.      

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership (5th ed.). Harvard Business

                Press.

Clayton, R. (2015). How Regular Exercise Helps You Balance Work and Family.

    Retrieved February 26, 2017, from https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-regular-      exercise-helps-you-balance-work-and-family

de Klepper, M., Sleebos, E., van de Bunt, G., & Agneessens, F. (2009), Similarity in

friendship networks: Selection or influence? The effect of constraining contexts and non-visible individual attributes. Soc. Netw. doi:10.1016/j.socnet.2009.06.003

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a resonant leader:

develop your emotional intelligence, renew your relationships, sustain your effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Pub.

Reardon, K. K. (2014). Courage as a Skill. Retrieved February 26, 2017, from

https://hbr.org/2007/01/courage-as-a-skill